It’s a Monkey Mind Maria!

How’d you solve a problem like an over anxious brain

How do you take a thought and pin it down

How do you get yourself off of a crazy train

It’s whimsical, it’s fanciful.. it’s bloody insane

Many a thing you know you ought to tell it

Many a thing it ought to understand

But how do you concentrate

And focus in the day

Oh how do you keep a wave upon the sand

Why I don’t support Appreciate Men memes

First of all, there is already a Men's day on 19th November. Not to mention Father's Day. Let's get that out of the way first.

Now as far as respecting every male goes, I don't see why respect has to have a gender association, you need to respect everyone whether man or woman, unless you think there are those unworthy of respect. So that's out of the way too. 

So then, let's get to the crux of the problem shall we? Seems to be that these days some men find it easy to complain about the way we women have it "easy" at work or in life or that somehow men have suddenly been "neglected". You'll see a lot of these "appreciate the men in your life" type things come out from all corners then. Now, like I said earlier, appreciation should be equal opportunity. That's not really debatable. 

With that in mind, what really drives this impression that we have it easy because we're women? Just because we have a few more opportunities? Well, I'm sorry but the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons and daughters, that's just how life is. Men, by brute force have conquered most domains by speaking louder, being more aggressive and simply having other men prop them up and support their ambitions, be it their fathers, bosses, peers, or even their juniors. Think about this for a moment, that even basic access to formal education was provided for women in the last 50-100 years, and before you go shooting off about that being enough time to be on equal footing with men, think again about the fact that civilisation has had education for men in some form or the other for centuries, women are only now catching up. For all men out there who feel "oppressed", take a long, hard look at the women around you and listen, really listen to the struggles they face everyday. Men may be under appreciated, at times, but if you think for a second you haven't had it easier than women, then you're deluding yourself. As an individual every struggle is different and there are many especially in educated circles who understand and call out male privilege, but in the same country, in the same circles, there are women not even born yet, being killed just because they're women. You're deluding yourself if you go to a hospital in central Bangalore and don't observe the signs that are still needed to remind people that female foeticide is a crime, if you go to a wedding and don't notice how a bride is made a showpiece, if you don't see your sisters mothers and colleagues dealing with the constant sexism that exists around everyone, whether it is from ourselves because we've been conditioned to believe that we are worth less than our brothers, whether it's from colleagues or friends who believe that sexist or wife bashing jokes are just "harmless fun". And while we're at it, let's talk about these so called "societal roles" that men are always told to play, because most men believe that they are forced to be the so called bread winners for the family. But here's my point, if you don't want to share the responsibility of a family ... don't .. don't marry and don't have children and make it clear to your parents that you don't want them dependent on you. Don't hide behind "oh but my parents/wife/neighbour aunty told me to." Empowered as women are, many of them still suffer the consequences of being women, they are still forced to bear a child and put their bodies through the intense experience not out of choice but out of pressure. Not all of them mind, but a good many. Add to that the fact that running a household is still not considered "work" and still delegated mostly to the women of the house in most houses irrespective of whether they are working themselves or not. How many men actually deal with the maids, clean the house, do the cooking, plan the meals for the day and the next, make sure everyone's needs are met etc etc etc. In most cases even in urban India where both partners work this is mostly handled by women, and as we know from Rupa Chanda's class, this work does contribute to the GDP though it is never estimated nor is it appreciated half the time. On the other hand men expect to be appreciated for doing simple household tasks, many a man has proudly beaten his chest saying "I washed the dishes today", when the question to be asked is, why does that deserve a medal when you BOTH live in the house and are essentially both responsible for your house. Taking care of their own home should not give a man a medal, unless you intend to give your wife/mother one every day. 

The other crib I hear so often .. "oh but you have Women's Day!" #ThanksNoThanksToYou! Does anyone know WHY we needed a Women's day? It was a movement, that stemmed from a fight for women's rights! Not from a need to be "appreciated", but from a basic need to be ACKNOWLEDGED AS HUMAN BEINGS! And guess when it was started? 1909. Which is just a little over 100 years ago, if you think that humanity has been on this planet for about 125000 years, 100 years is barely even a fraction of that, so for all of the time in which this species has used women for procreation and pleasure, as objects of desire, in the last fraction of that we have asked for our rights, rights to exist, to have a voice, to have a life, to take decisions and to just merely exist. I think that will not take much away from appreciating men? 

Koshish

Ghum ghum chali ye duniya, na thami kisi ke liye,

Thami hui to hai saanse, jo kabhi chali thi to bas aashiqui ke liye

Apni ranjisho mein khoye rahe hum, shikvey na aaye kabhi zabaan par,

Ab na honge vo bayaan kabhi, 

ki pahunchti hai kya awaazey us aasmaan par

Ik umr nikal gayi, yuhin diwaare takte hue

Sannaton ne bhi ab to muh mod liya hai

Ki arse ho gaye apni hi awaaz nahi suni 

Bewafa waqt na rukey kahin kisi ke liye

Ek pal hi to tha jisme the hum tum samaay

Ki palak jhapak kar dekha to arsa beeta tha

Alternate reality

Orchestras play in your head through tiny portals carrying electronic signals, your heart leaps at every word as you curate your playlist. Words flow over you as you connect with each emotion, suddenly you're the princess fighting her fears or the lover left at the altar. Every chord carries you into a world of your own making. Maybe you were never meant to be part of this mundane ritual that every one else follows, this unending checklist of your life. Maybe you truly are lost in a different dimension and your true adventure is still waiting for you. Or maybe you're yet to find yourselves falling through time into a world that you don't fully understand but one you know you could belong in. It's not unfathomable that a world beyond what you see and feel exists out there. Out in the great beyond. Could it be? Could you truly be part of a reptilian conspiracy to keep humanity suppressed through mind control. Could you actually be living in the Matrix? Connected to a virtual reality space when your true self is hidden away somewhere slowly dying as it rejuvenates an alien consciousness. Maybe I'm just building a fantasy world in my head to escape from #adulting. Or maybe it's just me. 

I am

You cannot hold me hostage

No, no, I forbid it

You cannot, you will not hold me hostage

To blind traditions and mindless rituals

I will not hide quietly in the corner 

Until my unclean days are done

You cannot hold me hostage

To the boundaries of your small mind

You cannot make me, mould me, 

You cannot get me to adapt, to adjust

I will not go quietly into the kitchen

To learn how to make your tea and toast

You cannot hold me hostage

Chained to the post of your fragile ego

You cannot flatter, then force me 

You cannot continue to push, till I give in 

I will not lie quietly under you

Till you finish using me for yourself

You cannot hold me hostage

Bullied by your biases

You cannot push me around

You cannot put me or my choices down

I will not stay frightened in the shadows 

Or pretend to be anything less than myself

You cannot hold me hostage 

I will not give you power over me

For I am, I was and I ever will be

I exist, I am,

Yes 

I am. 

-Ritu V Rao