Patience

I find I have less and less patience for things as I grow older, I don't even know if I had that much patience to begin with but whatever I did have is slowly wearing thin. I find that there's not much that makes me ecstatically happy any more either, in the constant struggle of work home and traffic in between I find things slowly chip away bits of me. Bits of the time I had to potter around at home in my pajamas before I left for work. Bits that may have inspired those little doodles and tiny tales that o found so much joy in not so long ago. I have no patience for people who tell me I've lost myself, I probably have but I'd rather not know, as long as I don't know I can still find some small joys, once I know the truth there really is no escaping from it. Like they say, ignorance is bliss, why though? Maybe we don't know any better? Or maybe there's just some things that once known can never be erased from your mind. You can't unlearn how to swim the wrong way, you can't unsay what you said, all you can do is hope to try a bit harder the next time. And sometimes that's all you hold on to ... All you can hope for.  

A misfit in my skin

When did something very natural become something to be ashamed of?

I saw a recent set of adverts talking about what would happen if men had periods. Now while that assumes that men would still play the same role in society it also assumes that with men dealing with this very natural process somehow the entire human race would suddenly be open to discussion on periods... He'll they'd even compare flow rates (side note, I'm not sure we really compare flow rates the way they've shown it but still..) 

This led me to wonder, given the evolutionary process, wouldn't period have been something happening to women from primitive man onwards? Or at least from before civilisation started.. So given that it's been around since kingdom come.. Why is it so taboo to talk about it? Or to discuss it openly? Why do we still balk at such discussion? 

Scary

Sometimes you just need to jump off the cliff. It's terrifying, but that's what it is. Just jump and leave yourself in the hands of the universe. Let creation be your guide and surrender completely to the plan, or lack thereof. You never know which choice is right or wrong, you never know which path leads to the destination and which leads you the wrong way... Have faith. Have courage. Breathe. But once you've done all that... Jump.

Small

Stop acting so small, you are the universe in ecstatic motion - Rumi

I've always loved that quote. There's something magical about it. Magical especially when you consider that all of creation is nothing more than a smushing together of atoms. If you know much about atoms feel free to correct me, but from what I know atoms are mostly empty. They have their electrons and protons but for the most part they're made up of nothing at all... And then all matter is made up of atoms... Isn't it amazing to imagine then... All we are is nothing at all. Just empty spaces with a set of smushed up atoms, cramped into a small space. We're so obsessed with the size of our bodies with the number on the scale we so often forget we are but nothing at all, just empty spaces. There's something magical about that now isnt there?

The little things

It's always the little things. The little secrets we keep, the little lies we tell. 

Perfect or supposedly perfect relationships ruined by the little oversight, the slight omission. A glossing over of the truth. Maybe if we could all just find ways to talk to each other the world would be a bit simpler. But it's not is it. It's just that sometimes the little things hurt more than the big ones. When your husband denies your identity, denies who you are, denies everything that made you the person he fell in love with, it would seem like a big thing to the casual observer. But to you perhaps it seems like a little thing,maybe  because it comes in a flippant remark not a grandiose statement. Maybe it's in a casual mention to a stranger, or just in a passing conversation. The little worms that gnaw at your heart slowly but surely. It's always in the little things.

Indescribable

It is you

Only you

Your secrets for me to keep

Your thoughts in my dreams

Upon my waking only you 

A little whisper, a slight caress

Sometimes a glance across the table

It is you, only you

Mine, to have and to hold

Mine and yours we make ourselves known 

Ours is this world to keep

Your secrets for me to keep

Your thoughts even in my dreams

It's hard to explain, hard to define

I don't know what to say or to write

Mine and yours we make ourselves known

Ours is this world to keep

6 Things Indian Men want In a Wife : Response post.

OK so I read this article in the TOI a few days ago and I just had to write about it. Not sure if anyone else can relate, but have a read. 

 

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/photo-stories/relationships/6-Things-Indian-men-want-in-a-wife/photostory/34074947.cms

 

 

01.   If you are a career-oriented girl, who follows the news and watches IPL for the game and not the cute players, then congratulations!

 

You are the prospective bride that Indian men are looking for, says a survey.

 

Career oriented girls: According to the survey, 83.5% men said they would want a partner 'who is career-oriented'.

 

"I don't think it would be fair on my part to not allow my wife to work. My work takes up most of my time. I leave for office at 8amand return at 9pm. I'm out for 13 hours every day. My wife will go mad staying alone for so long. Then, to pass her time, she will go shopping and waste money. It is better to have a double income and then spend than to have a single income and spend twice the amount," says Ajay Singh, a management trainee.

 

Ø  So essentially, housewives do nothing but shop and waste money? On the other hand, someone who is a housewife from my little knowledge on the subject, has a lot more to do than just sit home doesn’t she? One wonders what the same trainee would say when offered a position in the US, somewhere the wife has no prospects and possibly no scope of working. I find very few men in our current social setup would agree to give up the opportunity to further their careers even if they have to sacrifice their wife’s career. Even if we consider that in India a relatively well paid management trainee may make more than enough to afford a few maids to handle the housework leaving the alleged “housewife” free and while  I agree  with the comment that one might go mad staying home alone for so long, doesn’t this innately imply that my job is nothing more than an additional source of income and doesn’t really have anything to do with my career goals or the fact that I’m “career-oriented”

 

02.   Should appreciate cricket, not the cute players: Cricket is religion in India and couples are known to have fights for not sharing a mutual interest in cricket. Men definitely have cricket on their mind and 76.6% of them would want a partner who would "love to watch IPL for the game and not for a cute player".

 

Ø  So apparently no love for cricket automatically implies that I am not an ideal wife or an ideal partner, because let’s face it since I couldn’t care less about MS Dhoni’s helicopter shot, it must mean that I am automatically ineligible to be the so called “ideal wife” (whatever the hell that means)

 

03.   Should watch news, have views: While some men want a cricket-loving partner, 73.8 % men admitted that they would prefer partners "who like to keep themselves updated about the latest news."

 

"I don't want my partner to read tomes on the latest issues, but she should be aware of major events in the country and outside. I don't want her to know the minute details, like who won from which seat or by how many seats in the elections, but she should know about the topics being discussed frequently in the news and our peer groups. I don't want her to sound lame," says Sushant Sharma, a web developer.

 

Ø  By now, everyone reading pretty much knows what this piece is alluding to, and if you don’t, you’re probably already as lame as the web developer in this article. I mean seriously!! Do you hear yourself man? I agree that PEOPLE should know what’s going on in the country, but really!! Is this a reason to get married/not married to someone. Call me old fashioned but I still kind of believe in those good ol’ things like ‘mutual respect’, ‘caring about the other one’, ‘giving a damn’ and oh let’s not forget a little bit of attraction. And while we’re on the topic, why is no one talking about attraction? Admittedly I think this point is probably the deepest “characteristic” so far and I suppose I should be thankful that “hot body” hasn’t figured on the list yet. Do I dare imagine that men in India have finally stopped being so superficial? And then again, a friend tells me about the man shaped boxes in her office who refuse to watch a very well made movie just because it has a plus-size heroine. Dream on young India, there are miles to go yet. In a world filled with Queen Latifahs, Adeles, Melissa McCarthys and Divya Duttas, all these wonderful Indian men want is a size -1 Katrina Kaif.

 

04.   Colleagues cannot be life partners: While office romance could have a few advantages, like, getting to spend time together and your lover being right in front of you all the time, it can also have a disadvantage.

 

According to the survey, 66.1% men don't want a partner from the same organization. "Working with your wife in the same organization could be dangerous. I will not marry any of my office colleagues. Getting scolded in front of your wife, or getting less increment than her will definitely hurt my ego. I will not see her as a life partner then. In fact, she'll be a competitor for me, which might lead to fights and arguments, and I clearly don't want that," says Aditya Roy*, a bank manager.

 

Ø  Well Aditya-Name-Changed-To-Protect-Privacy-And-Image-Roy, at least you’ve got one thing going for you, you’re honest about your chauvinism to a point. Right off the bat, I’m not a big supporter of couples working in the same organization or team but that’s mostly since there is such a thing as too much of one person. You end up travelling together, eating together, working together and going home together. A bigger case of co-dependence is hard to find. On the other hand, the very fact that seeing your wife as competition leads to fights and arguments implies that we as a country have not yet learnt how to handle competition. We believe that conflict is the only way to resolve it. Not really, healthy competition can lead to higher productivity, but seeing your wife do better than you is not healthy for the standard box convention now is it. Have our egos become so fragile ? No wonder house husbands are humiliated by the “log kya kahenge” people. I wonder if people do ever tire of trying to outdo each other. Give it a rest will you?

 

05.   Should not watch reality TV shows: 80% men in the survey said, "Women obsessed with reality TV shows" are annoying.

 

"Do you think real life has less drama than reality shows?" asks Kishore Singh, a software engineer. "Imagine you are talking to your wife over the phone, and she cuts your call when her favourite reality show starts. My ex-girlfriend was like that. She would not receive my call or reply to my messages when Bigg Boss was on. I had a tough time. She was so involved with the show that even when we were out or talking on the phone, she would discuss it. Like, seriously? I had enough of her TV drama and can't tolerate someone with similar tastes again," says Ashish Ranjan*, a deputy area manager.

 

Ø  Ok so going back to point number two, in combination with point number 05, I’m a bit confused. Your idea is that your wife should basically love cricket and watch cricket with you, but aside from that she shouldn’t watch anything else, especially reality TV shows. Again, not a fan of Big Boss, but turn on “Beauty and the Geek” or “The Apprentice” or even “Indian Idol” and I might watch. Hell, I like “Roadies” and I’d watch it on YouTube if I could. Does this make me a bad wife? I’m sure I’ll be crucified for this, but how is watching cricket any different than watching a reality show? With the number of tournaments and formats of cricket nowadays (test, T20, IPL, ODI etc etc etc) what’s the difference? You’re watching the same set of men do the same thing over and over again. I mean at least with reality TV you get new tasks once in a while, with cricket it’s the same task in different ways. I may not watch Big Boss, but I have no malice towards those who do, watch it if it makes you happy, talk about it if it makes you happy. Isn’t that the whole point of entertainment in the first place?

 

06.   Get off the phone: Another thing that men don't like about girls is their constantly being on the phone. The survey said, "78.2% men find women who are always on the phone irritating."

 

According to Siddharth Singh, a management trainee, "This habit of always being on the phone is quite irritating. I don't understand, in ladkiyon ke pass itni baatein aati kahan se hain. If your partner is constantly on the phone, apart from the phone bill, what I fear the most is her sharing too much with her friends. Aur phir doston ki toh aadat hoti hai advice dene ki - tu aisa kar toh tera husband tujh pe aur kharch karega. Also, when I am around, I would want her to spend maximum time with me, and not on phone. And when I am not around, she can visit her friends or do something productive."

 

Ø  So basically what the Indian Man wants is undivided attention (read co-dependence to a degree). His wife’s world should start and end with HIM and friends or “something productive” should be done when he is not around. Essentially, the wife should not really have an identity of her own, her identity should be just enough to tell people around him that she’s a “modern woman” so that he can reflect the aura of a so called “21^st century man”. Of course all this on the surface, scratch just a little and the old fashioned ideas of the place of a woman will jump right up. Like the way it will be obvious that the final decision on  time to start or not to start a family depends on HIM. Her job choices are up to her since of course he would never dream of “interfering with her career”. However, she should be ready to drop everything and move if perchance he happens to get that new role he’s been talking about, so she should keep that in mind when changing jobs. Of course her friends give her bad advice, it has nothing to do with the fact that she needs to manipulate him to spend on her, probably since it never occurs to him that the odd gift however small may get her to feel a bit more validated, or a bit more loved on one of those really horrible days that everyone has.

 

So close to International Women’s Day, I know there are a number of posts celebrating the women in everyone’s life. As there should be. But when reading articles like this one, I am forced to wonder, if we even know how to appreciate ourselves, forget the other women in our lives. The debate of Mars vs Venus is probably centuries old; in hunter gatherer times, I suppose a female would be driven away from the hunter pack or just clubbed over the head to make it a point that a woman’s place is at home/in the cave. This is not really a debate of India vs the World or even Men vs Women. I guess I’m just wondering what a woman needs to do to be looked at as a person. A real person. Not one who exists to service someone else’s needs, But one with an identity, one with needs, one with ambitions of her own.

Thought cloud

What is a thought cloud?

Bertrand Russell said "Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man."

The chief glory of man? Really. I suppose that's true, thoughts can move mountains thoughts can bring change thoughts can change the way you look at the world ... Can't they?

Time to release this thought cloud and start with the blog. Godspeed young warrior, may you be ever victorious.